2022 a year for joy

 I have been absentee... It has been a few years of good but hard. I am sure most who find this blog will feel the same. 

I have had a few jobs since the last entry... Only a few and i have all loved them for different reasons. I have learned from each.

With the last two years however i have taken away 2 major truths about myself...

I have a talent for putting up with and helping people with their BS. And this seems to be my best marketable skill. 

No matter where my path has taken me in the last 12 years i have found myself ending in spaces where i am being paid to listen to yelling cursing upset people just unload and expect ludicrous things... And i have allowed this to define a lot of who i have become.  

I have a wicked and quick sense of humor that boarders on morbid...my once unlimited patience has become thin waned and tired... This combo alone has gotten me into more scrapes recently than i care to admit... 

But i hit a wall these last two weeks from a 2nd hand conversation about me that was actually very telling... 

My poor mother who has been very sick was home while i have been in a different state unable to really care for her in any commodity but over the phone. My sister Cortni has been shouldering the duties of care-giver.  

Cort called to tell me mom had told her (she was very drugged and not well at all) she wished i was there to help to take care of her... Because i was only nice to her when she was sick...

And well it has been a hard couple of years but nothing has hit harder in a long while than this...

I am not gonna lie. It made me laugh first... And than the truth came crashing down... I am sooo good at dealing with all the bull but the bull is not good at dealing with me... I am turning into those people who i hate.

If i had not been jobless already (barely and that is a story for another day) i would have quit on the spot!

So for 2 weeks and change... I have been trying to figure out how am i gonna live and afford life with out being miserable and mean... 

I am doing everything right now based on how it is making me feel... I am looking for a job (i am averaging 14 job apps a day) but honestly i can not get paid enough to revert back to nastiness... 

I am considering doing more of the things that i love and i am trying to figure out how to make money doing those things... Things that will enrich the people i come in contact with.

Blogging is one of those things.

Hopefully someone will read these and smile and be happy because of my craziness... 

Just some thoughts from an unemployed slightly c anchoress person trying to be more happy and turn 2022 into a year for joy.