Remember

 Just had a thought....

Now I get to remember you longer than i was able to know you.

It's getting to be that time of the year when my happiest and hardest memories come for one of my most favorite people.

It is odd. To get to know a person their whole life and to have memories of them from the day they were born to the day they leave this world... And all the in between. 

It is odd to realize that they now have been away, so far away for as long as they were here and even more.

Just happy to get to go along. 

Just happy to sit on the floor

Just happy for the friends and family

Just happy.

 

Passion

 I have been looking at how to start a blog (or really re-start) it seems these days its all about  posting videos on social media and trying to go viral.  A lot of what I am finding suggests finding something you are passionate about and condensing it into a short little dance. 

I have had a lot of things i have been passionate about... Things that i just have had to do to share that demanded of me to shout about it on the roof tops. Those things that were inside of me and i could just not contain... They had to be created or talked about and released into the world. But that was in a time when i was young and when the world was at my finger tips and i could do anything with out fear.

What i am finding now is i have the tools i did not have before... Shouting to the world is so much easier with the internet... And social media. 

  I am having to re find my passion. It is quite these days maybe i kept it silenced too long and it is hesitant to come back up to the surface where it will be easily documented and released. Can passion be shy? 

I have a softness there now, where when i was young it seemed  to be bursting at the seems.

I herd/ and saw in a video recently ( i think it was gary vee? )  If i can find it again i will give proper credit... 

I think i am pretty close to the wording that was used... But this is paraphrasing as i am not 100% certain the words are 100% correct.

"There is no excuse for not talking to the world... It just doesn't have to be your thoughts and words every time.    The key to success is you got to start documenting instead of creating... Just start."

So here goes...

I am not sure right now if my passion is communication, but I do love it. 

I am not sure if it is connecting to people, but it does drive me to be better no matter how i connect. 

I do know this year my goal is to find joy and to spread that to collect as much as possible from people and stories and when allowed to share those stories with others... 

For now this passion is quite. But i think it has the potential to become glorious and some thing i will not be able to contain for myself.

Count down to Alaska

 New adventures begining early this year and honestly I can not wait... Seriously less than a week to go and I am already having a hard time sleeping with excitement. I have decided i will take all opportunities to do unique and unusual things as they come and open myself to be quick to say yes. Since committing to that and leaving the conventional job i have had this trip presented itself. To alaska in the winter for 10 days with family i haven't really been around in 20 years!! I can not wait. Who gets to do things like this?!! What a Lucky Girl I Am!!! 

2022 a year for joy

 I have been absentee... It has been a few years of good but hard. I am sure most who find this blog will feel the same. 

I have had a few jobs since the last entry... Only a few and i have all loved them for different reasons. I have learned from each.

With the last two years however i have taken away 2 major truths about myself...

I have a talent for putting up with and helping people with their BS. And this seems to be my best marketable skill. 

No matter where my path has taken me in the last 12 years i have found myself ending in spaces where i am being paid to listen to yelling cursing upset people just unload and expect ludicrous things... And i have allowed this to define a lot of who i have become.  

I have a wicked and quick sense of humor that boarders on morbid...my once unlimited patience has become thin waned and tired... This combo alone has gotten me into more scrapes recently than i care to admit... 

But i hit a wall these last two weeks from a 2nd hand conversation about me that was actually very telling... 

My poor mother who has been very sick was home while i have been in a different state unable to really care for her in any commodity but over the phone. My sister Cortni has been shouldering the duties of care-giver.  

Cort called to tell me mom had told her (she was very drugged and not well at all) she wished i was there to help to take care of her... Because i was only nice to her when she was sick...

And well it has been a hard couple of years but nothing has hit harder in a long while than this...

I am not gonna lie. It made me laugh first... And than the truth came crashing down... I am sooo good at dealing with all the bull but the bull is not good at dealing with me... I am turning into those people who i hate.

If i had not been jobless already (barely and that is a story for another day) i would have quit on the spot!

So for 2 weeks and change... I have been trying to figure out how am i gonna live and afford life with out being miserable and mean... 

I am doing everything right now based on how it is making me feel... I am looking for a job (i am averaging 14 job apps a day) but honestly i can not get paid enough to revert back to nastiness... 

I am considering doing more of the things that i love and i am trying to figure out how to make money doing those things... Things that will enrich the people i come in contact with.

Blogging is one of those things.

Hopefully someone will read these and smile and be happy because of my craziness... 

Just some thoughts from an unemployed slightly c anchoress person trying to be more happy and turn 2022 into a year for joy.